01-26-2004, 03:19 PM
Love, Marriage & Life - A Hindu Perspective
We all have thought about it! Heard people talk about it! Often wondered what to do about it! Yes it is a million dollar question in the minds of the young Hindus living in Australia. We are Hindus, we have been brought up in Hindu traditions, so when it comes to marriage what has Hinduism got to say? What is the view of love before marriage? Is dating totally unacceptable? Is arranged marriage the only way accepted in Hinduism? For those who were born and brought up in Sri Lanka or India it was more a social norm to ,accept, that when it came to marriage it was the decision of the parents and elders that was final. Even though there were few ,exceptions,, generally people believed that arranged or assisted marriages were the norm! The last word any parent back in our homeland wants to hear from a teenager is love! It is immediately associated with infatuation or lust. The obvious comment that follows is that it is an ,age problem,!
Is it really the view of Hinduism? Do Hindu scriptures preach only of arranged marriages? The simple answer is NO! In my opinion Hinduism has been and still is one of the most, if not the most accommodative and tolerant of religions. We have scriptures that speak of love marriages, we have god forms that reflect it! Without going into the deeper philosophy, after all Murugan,s marriage to Valli was indeed a love marriage! According to the puranic stories, Murugan fell in love with a beautiful woman, a commoner, and Ganesh, being the elder brother, became the promoter of His love. The fact that this was acceptable in the legends of gods shows that it was accepted by the society at large even in the puranic days. So why then is there a perception that Hinduism is a highly conservative religion?
I believe that Hinduism has emphasized more on the importance of love after marriage than love before marriage. From a Hindu perspective, marriage is a sacred institution and the contract of marriage is almost a permanent one and revisable only under very exceptional circumstances. This concept was necessary to foster stable families which in turn fostered stable societies. The stability of the social and family structure was given a greater importance. This situation compelled the exercise of greater care and wisdom in the selection of a life partner and therefore the involvement of parents and elders in the process. This does not, however, mean that love and love marriages were relatively rare in our ancient society. The collection of Tamil poetry termed “Ahanaanuru” of the Sangam period (3rd century A.D) are almost entirely about love and love marriages.
The practice in the modern Western world is in contrast to what has prevailed and been cherished in the Hindu society for several generations. I believe that the current concept of values in the Western world gives greater prominence to individual freedom than to the interests of the family and children. A Western friend of mine once told me what his thoughts were on choosing a partner. It was quite an interesting concept, and I
believe that it reflected the average Aussie youth,s mind: “At teenage, if you don,t have a girlfriend, that means you are immature; at twenty if you don,t have one then you are a loser; at twenty five if you still don,t have one, then you must be a gay!” He truly believes that he needs to ,try, a few before he settles down with one. In a way, the so called ,trying a few, before getting one sounds logical! The argument is that if marriage is a sacred institution, then one has to be fairly confident that they have chosen the right one. How then could one be certain? By testing out the compatibility of the partner before marriage! Sounds simple and good, but that is where the contradiction starts. A casual contact, talking to a person for a few days, dating, or even living together for a while may never be adequate to decide on compatibility. If this works well, why then are there so many marriage failures in the Western world? The statistics speak for themselves. In contrast back in our homeland marriages most often last for a life time! Some may argue that one partner, especially the woman suffers in silence to avoid a social stigma of separation or divorce. But this is not the case. This is a misconception that has been spread by wild media, that may support Western interest. I don,t disagree that there are few disgruntled partnerships, but these are more the exceptions than the rule. On an overall basis the family and social structure remains stable and there is more happiness than displeasure. We may now examine the reason for stability of marriages.
A lot depends on the attitude of the individuals concerned, the degree of importance they
give to marriage as an institution, the level to which they can sacrifice for the greater good of the family are the values that matter. Hinduism as a religion instils in us the importance of these values. Our Hindu scriptures say that a man as a ,girahastha, (as a householder) can never perform his dharma as a single person. He could perform it only with his partner. This concept is observed even in respect of our gods. It is noteworthy that of all the major religions, Hinduism alone has the concept of ,Arthanaareeswara, or
,Maathorupagan, which views the Supreme God as half man and half woman, thus providing for complete equality of gender. This concept perhaps has been overshadowed with the development of male chauvinism over a period of time.
In our society parents sacrifice almost everything for the sake of their children. This builds a great bond between the parents and children. The children in turn, care for the parents when they are old and infirm. In contrast, the relationship between the parents and children is usually not as strong and as long lasting in the West. So much so, specific days have to be fixed and celebrated as Mother,s Day and Father,s Day. Eyebrows will be raised if such days are fixed back in our homeland. Everyday is a Mother,s Day and everyday is a Fathers Day for the children in our homeland, irrespective of their age. Our religion teaches the children from early childhood “Matha, Pitha, Guru, Theivam”.
Some of the Hindu youth in this country, who are mostly children of migrants seem to think having come to this country or been born here we should throw overboard all our traditions and values as conservative and outdated and go in blindly to adopt all Western values. This would result in throwing the baby with the bath water. We have to make every effort to rediscover the great values in our religion and traditions. These values and wisdom have stood the tests of time. In my opinion love could commence before marriage, but what matters is the love that develops into a strong bondage after marriage. Hinduism has never forbidden love marriages, but has insisted that love should become an integral part of marriage.
We all have thought about it! Heard people talk about it! Often wondered what to do about it! Yes it is a million dollar question in the minds of the young Hindus living in Australia. We are Hindus, we have been brought up in Hindu traditions, so when it comes to marriage what has Hinduism got to say? What is the view of love before marriage? Is dating totally unacceptable? Is arranged marriage the only way accepted in Hinduism? For those who were born and brought up in Sri Lanka or India it was more a social norm to ,accept, that when it came to marriage it was the decision of the parents and elders that was final. Even though there were few ,exceptions,, generally people believed that arranged or assisted marriages were the norm! The last word any parent back in our homeland wants to hear from a teenager is love! It is immediately associated with infatuation or lust. The obvious comment that follows is that it is an ,age problem,!
Is it really the view of Hinduism? Do Hindu scriptures preach only of arranged marriages? The simple answer is NO! In my opinion Hinduism has been and still is one of the most, if not the most accommodative and tolerant of religions. We have scriptures that speak of love marriages, we have god forms that reflect it! Without going into the deeper philosophy, after all Murugan,s marriage to Valli was indeed a love marriage! According to the puranic stories, Murugan fell in love with a beautiful woman, a commoner, and Ganesh, being the elder brother, became the promoter of His love. The fact that this was acceptable in the legends of gods shows that it was accepted by the society at large even in the puranic days. So why then is there a perception that Hinduism is a highly conservative religion?
I believe that Hinduism has emphasized more on the importance of love after marriage than love before marriage. From a Hindu perspective, marriage is a sacred institution and the contract of marriage is almost a permanent one and revisable only under very exceptional circumstances. This concept was necessary to foster stable families which in turn fostered stable societies. The stability of the social and family structure was given a greater importance. This situation compelled the exercise of greater care and wisdom in the selection of a life partner and therefore the involvement of parents and elders in the process. This does not, however, mean that love and love marriages were relatively rare in our ancient society. The collection of Tamil poetry termed “Ahanaanuru” of the Sangam period (3rd century A.D) are almost entirely about love and love marriages.
The practice in the modern Western world is in contrast to what has prevailed and been cherished in the Hindu society for several generations. I believe that the current concept of values in the Western world gives greater prominence to individual freedom than to the interests of the family and children. A Western friend of mine once told me what his thoughts were on choosing a partner. It was quite an interesting concept, and I
believe that it reflected the average Aussie youth,s mind: “At teenage, if you don,t have a girlfriend, that means you are immature; at twenty if you don,t have one then you are a loser; at twenty five if you still don,t have one, then you must be a gay!” He truly believes that he needs to ,try, a few before he settles down with one. In a way, the so called ,trying a few, before getting one sounds logical! The argument is that if marriage is a sacred institution, then one has to be fairly confident that they have chosen the right one. How then could one be certain? By testing out the compatibility of the partner before marriage! Sounds simple and good, but that is where the contradiction starts. A casual contact, talking to a person for a few days, dating, or even living together for a while may never be adequate to decide on compatibility. If this works well, why then are there so many marriage failures in the Western world? The statistics speak for themselves. In contrast back in our homeland marriages most often last for a life time! Some may argue that one partner, especially the woman suffers in silence to avoid a social stigma of separation or divorce. But this is not the case. This is a misconception that has been spread by wild media, that may support Western interest. I don,t disagree that there are few disgruntled partnerships, but these are more the exceptions than the rule. On an overall basis the family and social structure remains stable and there is more happiness than displeasure. We may now examine the reason for stability of marriages.
A lot depends on the attitude of the individuals concerned, the degree of importance they
give to marriage as an institution, the level to which they can sacrifice for the greater good of the family are the values that matter. Hinduism as a religion instils in us the importance of these values. Our Hindu scriptures say that a man as a ,girahastha, (as a householder) can never perform his dharma as a single person. He could perform it only with his partner. This concept is observed even in respect of our gods. It is noteworthy that of all the major religions, Hinduism alone has the concept of ,Arthanaareeswara, or
,Maathorupagan, which views the Supreme God as half man and half woman, thus providing for complete equality of gender. This concept perhaps has been overshadowed with the development of male chauvinism over a period of time.
In our society parents sacrifice almost everything for the sake of their children. This builds a great bond between the parents and children. The children in turn, care for the parents when they are old and infirm. In contrast, the relationship between the parents and children is usually not as strong and as long lasting in the West. So much so, specific days have to be fixed and celebrated as Mother,s Day and Father,s Day. Eyebrows will be raised if such days are fixed back in our homeland. Everyday is a Mother,s Day and everyday is a Fathers Day for the children in our homeland, irrespective of their age. Our religion teaches the children from early childhood “Matha, Pitha, Guru, Theivam”.
Some of the Hindu youth in this country, who are mostly children of migrants seem to think having come to this country or been born here we should throw overboard all our traditions and values as conservative and outdated and go in blindly to adopt all Western values. This would result in throwing the baby with the bath water. We have to make every effort to rediscover the great values in our religion and traditions. These values and wisdom have stood the tests of time. In my opinion love could commence before marriage, but what matters is the love that develops into a strong bondage after marriage. Hinduism has never forbidden love marriages, but has insisted that love should become an integral part of marriage.
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